I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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