my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
