did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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