I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize