Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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