We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
