My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
