Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
