You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My ass is underappreciated
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
