I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
