Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
