I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Found your dick twin last night
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize