what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
