The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Swine flu. Run for my life!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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