so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize