Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
