It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
