I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
