Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
