pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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