Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
