i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
