I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
