i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's always time for handjobs
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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