I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
