My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize