I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
