Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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