I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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