I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
