How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
