dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
