I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
