Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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