Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize