I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
