I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize