You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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