why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
