you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
