she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How external is "for external use only"?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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