I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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