you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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