We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
