honey bunches of taint.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
