dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
