It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize