I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We need to get me chipped asap
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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