dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
