I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
