Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need to sanitize my soul.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
