i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
