Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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