some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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