He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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