I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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