i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
