Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
