how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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