wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize