Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
