why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
