ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
