What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize