nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
