aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
