I smell stomach acid.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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