just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
