I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
