addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
