my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
