Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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