I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
