He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
