my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
