My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
