i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
