Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She told me I should be a condom model.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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