Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
