found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
