my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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