Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
