My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
