Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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